Cathy Le Feuvre

The Gift of Kindness - on World Kindness Day

Today is World Kindness Day, so it's an opportunity for me to share some extracts from the book I wrote, with my friend and sometimes writing buddy - Debbie Duncan - on the subject ... of Kindness!

We were writing 'The Gift of Kindness' in 2021,  when the world was still impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic but there were some hopes that soon we would be out of lockdowns and strict restrictions.

We looked back at what seemed to be an explosion of kindness during those pandemic days. The kind things that people were doing for neighbours under house detention, kindnesses even shown on social media.

Writing 'The Gift of Kindness' was an opportunity to tell some stories of kindnesses from the pandemic, and other times, as well as to unpack what kindness is - from many different angles including science, anthropology, literature, popular culture and faith, including the Christian faith which is the perspective from which this book was conceived.

Some of the sentiments expressed and stories of kindnesses extended were personal ... it was real joy to gather information from friends and further afield, and to bring it all together in a book which helps us all to really explore what kindness is, and our own attitudes and actions - kind or otherwise.

Debbie and I really wanted to challenge ourselves in the writing, and this we did. We also wanted people to think about what kindness might look like in our world and culture. Kindness in the workplace, commerce and industry, Kindness in education, Kindness in the health and care sectors, Kindness in politics, Kindness in the media. You get my drift, I'm sure. Kindness in EVERY aspect of life! 

Yes, you might think it's all a bit 'pie in the sky' ... but we can but dream, can't we?

And it's not just about the occasional Random Act of Kindness ... it's about being intentionally kind, as well as developing kindness in our lives to the extent that, eventually, we may not even have to plan being kind but it will come naturally. As naturally as breathing! If kindness was just embedded into every aspect of our being then it would, I believe, begin to manifest in all the things we do ... including all those sectors mentioned above.

A year and a bit on from publication by Authentic Media UK in August 2022, and it does feel that the world seems to have reverted to it's pre-pandemic nature ... and kindness seems to have taken a back seat. Again.

'The Gift of Kindness', we hope, is evidence that once the world managed to survive a global pandemic and kindness had a great deal to do with that.

I mentioned that today is World Kindness Day, and we explain in the book that this day was launched by the World Kindness Movement in 1998. On this day ...  13 November ... we are encouraged to make the world a better place through good deeds (although of course, being kind is for every day ... and not just for today or even for a pandemic). The World Kindness Movement is a coalition of nations’ kindness NGOs and was celebrated across the world, and it’s captured the imagination of people and governments. Many many countries now recognise World Kindness Day.

Maybe today, or tomorrow, you might like to consider what kindness means to you and whether you are a 'kind' person. The book isn't just narrative. At the end of every chapter there's a summary, and a prayer and some 'practical pointers' that you might like to give thought to as you look at kindness in your own relationships, interactions and life.

If you fancy exploring the subject, you might like to buy our book... it's on lots of sites online, including the publisher - Authentic Media (UK) and Amazon, of course. 

And just to whet your appetite... here's an extract from my part of the 'introduction' to the book ... just a little something to show how 'personal' kindness is to me.

The importance of kindness in the world

Throughout my life I’ve witnessed and experienced kindness on many occasions, and in many people. Living as a child of Christian leaders in The Salvation Army, who then moved to Africa when I was quite young, I was aware of the kindnesses of others. I learned the importance of kindness and the implications of my behaviour and actions.

Our family had little in the way of money and resources most of the time, but often we benefited from the generosity of others, and I also saw the way my parents shared what little they had with others. Before we left for Africa and my parents were church leaders, I remember going down to breakfast and finding a ‘gentleman of the road’ at our table, my dad having met him the previous evening and brought him in from the rain and cold, with an invitation to sleep on a mattress in the garage to prevent him freezing on the streets. In Africa, a Boxing Day picnic and barbecue was held on our remote farm where many local Salvation Army and other friends gathered with our family, everyone bringing something to the table to share.

If you’ve ever got involved with one of those ‘sharing’ lunches or suppers, you’ve seen kindness in action because there will always be those who are unable to bring food to the table, but are welcome to sit down to eat anyway.

Throughout my life I’ve witnessed people spending hours delivering food parcels and reaching out to others who they don’t even know. In fact, on the day my dad passed away, or as we say in The Salvation Army, was ‘promoted to glory’, he had spent the afternoon picking up food from the Marks & Spencer’s supermarket which was still in date but could not be sold in the store, so it could be packed up and delivered to those in need.

As a journalist and broadcaster, I’ve been privileged to witness so many kindnesses down the years and especially in my time as a ‘faith’ producer and presenter, working in programming which reflects faith and Christian communities, I have been humbled by what I have seen and reported on. The churches and individuals running foodbanks, looking after homeless people, caring for victims of trafficking and domestic violence, and families in crisis. Not to mention those just making themselves available to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Of course, we know that good deeds are not confined to people of faith, but as Christians these sorts of kind actions are what Christ calls us to do, and while some may see it as their ‘duty’ or even their job to do this work, I would say that when we have Jesus in our lives this is something that could begin to come naturally. It’s an example of that kindness imperative that Jesus empowers us to live out. When we ask ourselves ‘what would Jesus do?’ then the answer has to be – be kind, compassionate and loving, not to draw attention to ourselves but just because it’s what we are called to be and because it feels natural to do it, even if it means a sacrifice for ourselves.

And what we do doesn’t have to be ground-breaking. Acts of kindness and compassion come in all shapes and sizes.

Making a difference

During the coronavirus pandemic it was part of my job, then working for BBC Radio Jersey, the local BBC radio station in the Channel Islands, to help share ‘Make a Difference’ stories. This campaign was quite simple, really; it just gathered stories of people who were reaching out to others, mostly for little or no reward or recognition. We shared those stories on the radio to inspire others and, sometimes when appropriate, to gather support for those causes.

No sooner had the first lockdown begun in March 2020 than we saw the setting up of a special Facebook page – ‘Coronavirus Jersey – Acts of Kindness’ – a grassroots campaign to connect islanders and share resources and messages of support. It also helped people to share their needs without feeling ashamed, and this resulted in the most tremendous outpouring of kindness. All over our lovely little island of Jersey, rainbows appeared in windows, a sign of hope. Children painted little pebbles which you would come across in random spots around the island as a reminder of love and kindness and friendship. People stepped up to deliver goods to those shut in at home, to volunteer, to share what they had with those who had less.

At the invitation of the government of Jersey, The Salvation Army church and charity movement locally established and ran the island’s foodbank and what resulted was an outpouring of support and love – they were inundated with not just messages of support but donations of food and cash and manpower. The hairdresser who couldn’t open his shop instead spent his time working in the foodbank. There were many volunteers, most with no connection to the church, who stepped up to fill food bags and drive around delivering them safely to those who could not leave home. It was a real community effort!

One story from the pandemic that sticks in my mind is the ice-cream van man who, in May 2020, parked his vehicle in front of the hospital and gave free ice creams to all those health professionals and others working in that building to keep us healthy and safe. And he did this on his own birthday! What a joy-bringer! We will read more about this later in the book.

It is easy to be cynical about the world, to seek out the negative in people and situations. But we don’t have to look far to see the good that others do every day and, especially for those of us who aspire or claim to be Christians, if only a little of that inspires us to go do the same, then we will be truly living the Jesus way.

Treasures Among the Stones

In recent months I've begun to collect sea glass.

If you don't know what that is ... well, sea glass is bits of glass which have washed up onto beaches!

When you find a piece of sea glass it's not just a thing of beauty to behold, but it has it's own story to tell! 

At some point the glass was probably part of a bottle or something else fashioned of glass and who knows where it came from in the world? The sea currents could have brought it from far-off oceans and coasts until it is finally broken up into the smaller pieces that pitch up on our Jersey beaches.

After being battered about in the waves and on the sands, probably for many years, it's usually smooth, not jagged ... although at times I do find 'newer' pieces which are a bit lethal and which, obviously, go straight into the bin! So my sea glass hunting is also helping to clean the sand to prevent accidents to unsuspecting bare feet.

Here in my home island of Jersey in the Channel Islands, sea glass has often been used to create beautiful things. Some artists work sea glass into their pictures and create fabulous jewellery from the items which can be discovered on our many beaches. 

I've been doing quite a lot of sea swimming and walking on beaches in the last few years as I've tried to handle the stresses of life, changing circumstances and the ensuing mental health challenges that have come my way, and this year I've begun searching for sea glass.

Inspired by a canvas that a friend gave me as a Christmas gift - an image of a festive tree created out of pale green, bluish, clear and white sea glass - I decided (as you do, even if you're not an artist) ...' I could do that!' 

And so at times, I find myself wandering up and down beaches, looking for the little bits of glass among the stones and detritus which the tide has washed up. And, as a result, I'm amassing a little store of pretty glass ... much of it clear and milky, some blues and greens of various shades. All different shapes and sizes.

Recently I took a walk at La Mare Beach in St Clement on the east coast of Jersey and beyond to the area called Le Dicq, which I know is good for sea glass and also little bits of pottery including blue and white ceramics from a piece of crockery which at some point probably graced a kitchen dresser or a dining table. 

It was low tide, and not quite sunset,  a perfect time for sea glass hunting, and apart from a few other walkers I had the beach to myself. I'd had a pretty stressful 24 hours so I needed to clear my head and, to be honest, I wasn't confident of finding much glass. I'm a person of Christian faith, and I was listening to some encouraging music which assured me that in the storms of life I have a friend who is there for me - Jesus Christ - and that nothing is impossible with God, even when we are faced by uncertainty and what we may consider insurmountable problems.

At first, I only found a couple of little pieces of sea glass. But the closer I looked, the further I walked, suddenly I began to spot more ... and more ... and more.

A small piece of glass hidden among the stones on the shore, a shard on its own in the sand, and then a few quite large pieces smoothed and shaped from years of weather and wearing just sitting there waiting to be discovered.

And it occurred to me that sea glass and sea glass hunting is like life, and like my journey of faith.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with the challenges of life, and worried about the future, that I miss the beauty of the moment. I miss the sparkling treasure sitting there, right in front of me, just waiting to be discovered and used for something new and beautiful.

When I looked closely, even at a pile of stone and rocks and seaweed, suddenly a tiny piece of glass would sparkle in the setting sun over the beach. I was reminded that sometimes I might have to sift through some of the challenges of life to find beauty. I might have to ignore the detritus of my life to find moments of joy and love and hope. I  might have to keep looking and keep looking for the good ... but trusting that it's there to be found!

The interesting thing about sea glass hunting is the more you look for it, the more you see. I walked probably half a mile up the beach and then turned around, following mostly the same route I had taken on the walk up ... and yet as I made my way back to the carpark and my vehicle, I spotted glass I had missed the first time around.

Maybe that was because I was looking more intently now, or perhaps because I was looking at the beach, and the race of stones and rocks on the shore, from a slightly different angle. I'm sure you're getting my drift on this ... sometimes we miss joy and peace and hope and beauty but then, when we return to the situation, and maybe look at life with a different mindset or from a different angle, we find all those treasures in exactly the places we may have missed them before!

It also occurred to me that once the tide has come in again, once the water has shifted things around and churned things up, it will leave more treasures on the sand, and new beautiful objects that wash up on that tide. But the water may also uncover and reveal bits of sea glass which may be hidden tight now but once the piles of stones and rocks and seaweed are moved around, they are there ... to be discovered.

As I walked along that beach, listening to my inspirational music, I found myself asking God to help me ... to help me not to obsess so much about the challenges and rocks in my life but to seek out the beautiful things, the hope and the miracles which may be just waiting for me if I can but see them. If I but look for them! If I make myself aware that they may be there!

Some people call this talking to God  'praying' ... not in the way that you might pray in a church or a temple, which can sometimes be rather formal, but just having a 'chat'. Not just talking to God but also listening. Most importantly ... listening.

And so, on this particular sea glass hunt I clearly heard God's voice as I walked and talked with and listened to him.

I heard him say ... something like this...

'Look for the beautiful things, they are there but may be hidden.'

'Your life may be full of rocks but, like the tide, my love can wash away those challenges if you let me do so, and treasures and happiness and insights and joys which at the moment may be hidden in your grief, confusion, uncertainty and hurt will be uncovered, will be there ready for you to discover.'

In the end, I gathered quite a little hoard of lovely sea glass on my walk, to add to my collection at home - and one day I will create something beautiful. At the moment I don't know what that will be ... perhaps, as in life, we don't need to plan everything meticulously in advance but just see what comes when we are ready to create! 

There are Treasures Among the Stones of life ... perhaps we just need to look more intently and patiently, to try to see beyond the rocks in our lives and instead be alert to the blessings that are granted to us and believe ... a Better Life is on the way!

And, as if to prove His promises, at the end of the day I was blessed with one of God's most beautiful creations ... a most glorious sunset!

How great is that?

A Sunday Afternoon Swim

One of the things I love to do is to swim! 

I learned to swim when I was quite little, and I've always enjoyed it - even the many hours of swimming training at school...preparations for many a swim meet. I wasn't world class (and actually I'm not that competitive), but it was fun! 

In recent years, however, swimming has become more and more important as well as enjoyable.

It's not just the exercise, although that of course is great. I also find  being in the water so relaxing. In the pool, just swimming up and down, up and down, up and down, you get a rhythm that is quite mindful. And when in the ocean, those mindful moments are enhanced by the presence of the fresh air, the salt on your lips, the feeling of buoyancy in the salty water.  I find it easy to clear my mind of stress when I'm looking at the surface of the ocean and into the horizon beyond. For me, it's a helpful mindfulness technique which allows me just to be ... rather than worrying about things I cannot change, past and future. 

Living in the lovely island of Jersey in the Channel Islands, where there are so many beaches and bays and swimming opportunities, I can often - or at least when time allows - be found in the water. In the summer, of course, it's a great place to be ... but even when the water is colder I find sea swimming really helpful for my wellbeing and mental health.

In recent years, which have been quite emotionally and physically draining at times, even a quick dip and a short sit in the sunshine, a quiet few moments to myself, has just been invaluable.  

Many people here in Jersey swim throughout the year and while I've not done that, I do start when the sea temperature rises to about 10°C. Which means that this year I stepped into the ocean in April.

Admittedly, it's a bit nippy at first, but I have some gear ... some sea gloves and special boots, and a big dry robe to wrap myself in after my swim. And the feeling of the chilly, salty water on my skin, the capture of my breath when the cold hits me, and even the little brain freeze that can sometimes happen early on in the swimming season are just exhilarating!

This year, I've decided to chart some of my swimming with a bit of a 'swimming diary', and today I dipped at the beautiful Bouley Bay on the north coast of Jersey where the swimming this afternoon was simply gorgeous. The sun sparkled on the water and the coast of France, not too far away, was visible in the distance.

The water is gradually warming up... today the general sea temperature in Jersey was apparently around 13°C.... so things ARE warming up. And, of course, it helps when the sun is out and the wind isn't blowing a gale.

It's an opportunity to share with you not just my swimming experiences, but something of the beauty of the island I call home.

Today, in the sheltered Bouley Bay, which even around low tide still has plentiful swimming water...the experience was everything!

Here's my little film, which I posted first on social media.... 

Enjoy!

 

Blue Monday or Multi-coloured Monday?

Sorry to announce this but ... if you weren't already aware ... today is ...

BLUE MONDAY!

Depressing I know ... again ... sorry!

Today is the third Monday of January, a day which apparently is supposed to be the 'gloomiest' day of the year.

It's sort of midwinter so in some parts of the world the weather is cold and dark and damp ...  that can be a bit depressing. After Christmas some of us are facing debt, and the bills will start rolling in. If we've made New Year's Resolutions, some of us may have fallen off our intended wagon already. All round, it's a day when all the things that are 'bad' in our lives seem to congregate.

Or is it?

Interestingly Blue Monday only dates back to about 2005 - the idea was included in a press release from the British travel company Sky Travel who cited psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall. He had devised an algorithm which indicated that the third Monday in January is the one on which we feel the most gloomy. 

It was a way just to sell holidays!

However, as the media and advertising industries are wont to do, everyone jumped on the concept and since then the day has been in the international diary, with hours of time dedicated today to telling us why we may be feeling sad, and what we can/should do about it. 

And VOILÀ!

Today it's a thing which we all think is real!

However, since that first Blue Monday, even the man behind the formula, Dr Arnall, has said it was never his intention to made the day sound so depressing and that unfortunately the coining of that phrase has, in many cases, become a 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. We hear it's 'Blue Monday' and we automatically tend to feel ... well ... BLUE!

The idea has been de-bunked over and over again, including by mental health organisations, who feel the branding of the day is really unhelpful. Actually some now would like us to call the day 'MULTI-COLOURED MONDAY'!

That's much better, don't you think? 

Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we're encouraged to turn everything on its head. Wear bright clothing, think positive, go for a walk ... you know what I'm talking about!

But back to the original Blue Monday idea  ... as I said, it really is a construct of the advertising and media industries and while there are companies and organisations happy to jump on the band wagon it'll be difficult to shift in our psyche. These days companies use it to sell all sort of 'cures' for our gloomy mood ...  vitamin pills, drinks, exercises programmes and equipment as well as those hotel rooms and holidays in the sun. 

Due to the fact that the day has been hijacked by companies with something to sell off the back of people's perceived misery, it's unlikely to be replaced soon by the more positive messaging ... but I'm with mental health campaigners who have stressed that depression isn’t something to be capitalised on. 

I hold my hand up ... before I understood much about this I did run 'Blue Monday' features on my radio shows ... although I believe in the final years of my days in the studio I did introduce the alternative 'Multi-coloured Monday' and tried to concentrate on the positive!

And that's what I'm concentrating on today.

After all, today is not a 'real thing' ... it's made up and we can choose to fixate on it or not. It's certainly most unhelpful at a time when many of us may not be at our best, still feeling the effects of the coronavirus pandemic including restrictions and the constant news coverage of the worst of the COVID figures and deaths!

Dr Arnall himself has urged us all to 'refute the whole notion' - so are you with me?

Let's ditch the blue ... maybe consider wearing something bright and colourful. Speak to a friend, laugh out loud ... and avoid watching those depressing news programmes and TV shows which at the moment seem to be increasingly emphasising the depressing situation facing the world today, including using words like 'crisis', 'disaster' and 'critical' and 'catastrophe'.

Of course, if we are feeling really bad then we may need to seek some professional help - that's important.

But we can also try to just breathe through today, rise above all the negative stuff that may be thrown at us, try to look on the bright side of life, simply try to enjoy life and smile!

Especially today!

Have a great day everyone!