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First Step

Today I'm feeling rather wrung out. 

After an emotional week, saying goodbye to a full time job, and friends and colleagues,  moving into a new adventure, not really knowing what that adventure will hold, it's suddenly hit me like a sledgehammer on the top of my head!

After a few weeks of changing circumstances at work which left me in turmoil and having to quickly make life-altering decisions, the pressure to reach a conclusion was immense. But it needed to be done. 

And once the decision was made, I was determined to focus on all the work that I needed to complete, all the handovers, all the goodbyes not just to colleagues but to the hundreds of people I worked with closely as a Communities Journalist on a BBC local radio station. I had to deal with disappointment and shock from some, and there was much explaining to do. But I was overwhelmed by the encouragement and support in my ultimate decision from friends, family and acquaintances across the world. 

All the emails and telephone conversations. So many hours sat at the computer, into the early hours. 

And then - suddenly - it's over. All is quiet. No more rushing around. In my case, no demands for Zoom meetings, no projects to produce and edit for broadcast. No people to call. Nothing to plan for radio programmes for the future. Just ... nothing!

It hits you. There's nothing!

Yesterday - the start of a working week with no full time work - I was in a daze, and today I'm exhausted.

Sometimes life and change is like that, isn't it? You somehow manage to crash on day-to-day despite the mayhem that might be all around. You hardly have time to breathe with all the 'busyness' of what is happening, you don't have a moment to really take in the significance of what is actually going on. 

And then - suddenly - it's over.

Today is one of those days for me.

It's Holy Week - the week running up to Easter - so I'm trying to take time out just to rest and reflect on all that means in terms of my faith, and my life, and how that shapes who I am and my future.

But so much has happened in the past few weeks that has meant so much change, so quickly. I can't muster the energy right now to make any plans, and I'm trying not to get my head in a spin about what will come.  As a person of faith, I'm praying about the future, but at the moment not asking for anything, just trusting for guidance in the future.

The journey into the new adventure has not yet started. But it will. Once I am rested in my body and mind and spirit. It will.

Then I came across this quote which says it all for me today.

It's encouraged me to believe that once I'm ready to take the first step into the new adventure ... I will have the faith, and courage and the energy to place my foot on the first step of that new staircase in my life.

 

 

Faith staircase


Taking a few minutes

Well what a week it's been!

If you've been reading this blog recently, you'll know that yesterday was a pretty significant day for me. I left my job at the BBC.

I've been working there, this time around, for nearly seven years. Presenting on radio, producing radio programmes and features, connecting with the community that is my home island of Jersey, as Communities Journalist at the local radio station, BBC Radio Jersey.

But now it's time for a new adventure. Not sure what that is yet, because the decision to leave (not to renew my work contract) came really quickly in the end.

But in the past I've made a pretty decent living as a freelance author, broadcaster, PR and communications, trainer, ghost writer, features writer and much more, so for now I'm going back to that 'portfolio' lifestyle.

I'm taking a deep breath and heading into the future.

The whole week has been extraordinarily busy, with all the things I needed to do to 'tie up' my workload and hand over to others. Yesterday was quite emotional as I said 'goodbye' to colleagues and friends.

To be honest, I'm exhausted. And I've not much more to say.

So, for today, I'm just going to take this excellent piece of advice


Be thankful


 

 

 

 


Be Gentle

I am a very fortunate person. 

I have many friends, all over the world. People from lots of different parts of my life - my childhood, my school years, my church and faith life, my working life down the years.

And since social media became 'a thing' I've been able to reconnect with so many people with whom I'd lost contact. These days, no matter where we are in the world or whether we are living through a pandemic which so restricts our lifestyles, we can talk to each other, support each other, encourage each other, all via the magic of the internet.

I know lots of people find social media toxic, and sometimes it can be. But I have to say on Facebook I'm generally surrounded by good friends. By and large, positivity reigns.

Recently I've shared some news on Facebook - I'm about to leave my job at the BBC and have a new work adventure. Long story short ... my contract with the corporation was up for renewal and unfortunately the offer that was made to me would have added more responsibilities to an already busy workload, so I decided not to sign the new deal.

Which means that of today (Friday March 26th) I will no longer work for 'Auntie'. 

So, last Sunday I put a post on my Facebook page, just to tell everyone. Although it was only a couple of days since it had all been agreed, the news had already begun to filter into the atmosphere, so I thought ...'I'll tell everyone'.

I don't have a job to go to ... I'm planning to return to the freelance lifestyle that I once enjoyed ... and I'm not made of money,  so a lot of people might find a decision to just walk away from a job hard to understand. But I was inundated with lovely messages. Messages of support and affirmation and encouragement.

Maybe that says something about how people perceive me. Those who have known me for a while may be aware that I'm not adverse to a bit of risk-taking and daring to go on new adventures, but they also know that I don't take these steps on a whim.

Being a person of faith, I'm a bit of a Pray-er ... so I have prayed a lot about this. I've thought much about it, to the detriment of my sleep. I've made my usual 'pros and cons' lists, which involves making two lists - one of the positives of staying in the job and the negatives of leaving it, another of the negatives of staying the in job and the positives of leaving. If you get what I mean.

And I've chatted to a few people, not to help with the decision, but to weigh all my options in the balance.

SO - decision made - I posted on Facebook. And, as I said, got loads of support and, I have to say, a little advice from a few friends. And that counsel was the same over and over.

Give yourself some time. Try not to rush into the future without resting a little. After leaving such a busy job which has made so many demands on my time and my energy, breathe a little before launching into new commitments.

But I think the most useful and thought provoking message I received was this  

Be gentle

I love this.

Being 'gentle'  means so much.

I'm encouraged to be kind to myself and not beat myself up about what's past and the decision I've made, especially in those moments - and they are bound to come - when I'm wondering what the (......!) I've done by giving up a well-paid job!

Being 'gentle' on myself encourages me to forgive myself if I begin to doubt my decision, but also to remain humble and not to think arrogantly and unrealistically about the future, but instead to take things a little cautiously.

I'm encouraged through this piece of advice to find peace within myself, and to  seek stillness in my spirit. 

I could go on ... but I'm sure you get my drift.

So as I enter this new phase of life, thanks to all my friends for their great encouragement and support of me in my new adventure and for their great words of wisdom.

But thanks especially to my friend Alison Fox for this particular thought which she shared with me. Alison is, among other things, a counsellor and psychotherapist - so she knows what she's talking about! 

And, as I move into this new chapter of my professional life, I will keep her advice and encouragement in mind.

And if, today, this thought helps you, please feel free to join me!

 

 

 


To Do List

It's a busy old week ... so much to do, so little time to do it all in.

So today I'm just giving myself a bit of advice to help me get through.

If you're having a stressful week too, I hope this helps! 

 

2017-06-20 17.55.10


Happy Talk

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a song which brought back so many memories.

First, this version of 'Happy Talk' was released in 1982, the year I left university and started work.  It was a time of great excitement and promise - my whole life lay ahead of me.

Second, it was sung by a chap called 'Captain Sensible' - it was an ironic pseudonym because he was far from 'sensible'. He was not just quirky but rebellious. He had set up the punk band 'The Damned' which had been one of the soundtracks to my late teens.  

South PacificAnd finally, this quirky song wasn't an original. It was actually a tune and a song from a brilliant musical, a stage show called 'South Pacific' which premiered on Broadway in New York 1949. In 1958 it was made into a movie of the same name and by the 1970s I was listening to the soundtrack and learning all the songs.

Interesting point here - we didn't have a 'South Pacific' LP or vinyl record. We actually had the movie sound track on a reel-to-reel audio tape recording which we played on a tape machine. So I listened to 'South Pacific' accompanied by the whirring sound of the tape running through the machine. Classic.

And I hadn't even seen the film! It was years later, maybe a few years after Captain Sensible sang that song that I would have hired a VHS from 'Blockbuster' ... the video hire shop. It's the way we got to see loads of movies at home at the time. 

 'Happy Talk' was always one of my favourites songs from the show - it's sung by the character Bloody Mary and that was the nearest I got to using a swearword when I was a child! I knew it off by heart, so when Captain Sensible appeared on BBC Top of the Pops - I could sing along.

And the words I loved the most?

You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?
If you don't talk happy and you never have a dream, Then you'll never have a dream come true.

It's nearly 40 years since Captain Sensible released 'Happy Talk' and around 50 since I first learned those words. It still rings true for me. 

Be Happy. Talk Happy. Have a Dream! Or maybe ... more than one!

As I said before, in 1982 I was standing of the threshold of life and was at the start of my career as a journalist with all the excitement of what could be. Some of my dreams - personal and professional - have come to pass, others not. 

These days I'm nearer the end of my full-time working life but I'm still excited about what might be. Later this week I will start a new adventure, as I leave working for the BBC and go back to being a freelance writer/broadcaster/PR + communications 'guru'. More of that later !

And although it's a bit scary ... I'm excited.

And I have this song going round in my head. 

Which for me is a GOOD thing! It makes me smile!

 

 


A Poem to Inspire

Today is World Poetry Day.

Says it all really. It's a day to celebrate poetry, read poetry, write poetry and basically ... just think poetry!

I love poetry and I do even write a bit, from time time. But today I'm not going to impose one of my rather poor creations on you. Instead I'm going to share a poem with you that I had to learn many many years ago. So it's one of those that I can (sort of) still recite. If I think about it a lot.

I learnt the poem for an Eisteddfod, a creative arts festival. I stood on a stage and performed this. 

I didn't win the contest, but for someone who wasn't keen on performing in front of others, at the time it was a great, if terrifying, experience because I was forced out of my comfort zone. I was much more comfortable being part of a team, so this was different and unsettling, but character building.

Some of you reading this might be surprised to hear I wasn't that keen on putting myself forward in public when I was a child and a teenager, because for years I worked as a TV and radio presenter. And I've done a whole load of presenting not just in the media but also on stage in some really really big auditoriums - including  Wembley Arena and the Royal Albert Hall in London.

I can't say I haven't had nerves and anxiety over those appearances and the media presenting - sometimes that anxiety has been debilitating -  but at least I've done it. And it was experiences like the Eisteddfod poetry moment that helped me at the start of the long journey towards a future career which required me to put myself forward and not hide behind others.

And what was the poem I recited?

If by Rudyard Kipling poemWell, it's this.

IF, by Rudyard Kipling.

I think I mentioned a couple of days ago that he's one of my favourite authors and poets, and this is where it all began.

It was a strangely prophetic performance because although the poem was written as a general advice for life, for me it has become personal. 

In the media, it's easy to get above yourself and think you are better than others, but also you can be intimidated by others, people who hold high office, those who believe themselves superior to you, people (even your own colleagues) who act like they are the only individuals in the universe. This poem speaks into that.

It also tells us a little about how to deal with the sort of negativity that can come one's way. These days, especially, people in the media (and anyone actually if you give yourself a bit of a profile) can come in for all kinds of abuse on social media, and sometimes when things are going badly, you just need to keep believing in yourself. And then, when you need to change course, to follow the dreams you once had, these words can inspire.

This poem has so many nuances. It's one I've gone back to time and time again over the years. And it doesn't matter that it says 'Son' and 'man' at the end ... it works for us girls as well. I find it empowering!

And on this World Poetry Day I will simply say ... enjoy and be inspired!

IF

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
 
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
 
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
 
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
 

 


Life is like a book

Just thinking today about how easy it is to go through life never taking any chances or stepping outside of our 'comfort zone'. 

Just wondering ...

What might I be missing?

 

Life is like a book


Dear Monday

Ok ... so ... it's Monday again!

Start of another working week ... and it's easy to be a bit down about it all, if you're not careful.

But I've been looking for something to balance off the potential negativity with a more positive outlook and I found this inspiring quote.

Sorry, I couldn't find out who wrote it originally ... but whoever you are, you're a genius!

Have a great week everyone!
Dear monday