Holy Week
Spy Wednesday

First Step

Today I'm feeling rather wrung out. 

After an emotional week, saying goodbye to a full time job, and friends and colleagues,  moving into a new adventure, not really knowing what that adventure will hold, it's suddenly hit me like a sledgehammer on the top of my head!

After a few weeks of changing circumstances at work which left me in turmoil and having to quickly make life-altering decisions, the pressure to reach a conclusion was immense. But it needed to be done. 

And once the decision was made, I was determined to focus on all the work that I needed to complete, all the handovers, all the goodbyes not just to colleagues but to the hundreds of people I worked with closely as a Communities Journalist on a BBC local radio station. I had to deal with disappointment and shock from some, and there was much explaining to do. But I was overwhelmed by the encouragement and support in my ultimate decision from friends, family and acquaintances across the world. 

All the emails and telephone conversations. So many hours sat at the computer, into the early hours. 

And then - suddenly - it's over. All is quiet. No more rushing around. In my case, no demands for Zoom meetings, no projects to produce and edit for broadcast. No people to call. Nothing to plan for radio programmes for the future. Just ... nothing!

It hits you. There's nothing!

Yesterday - the start of a working week with no full time work - I was in a daze, and today I'm exhausted.

Sometimes life and change is like that, isn't it? You somehow manage to crash on day-to-day despite the mayhem that might be all around. You hardly have time to breathe with all the 'busyness' of what is happening, you don't have a moment to really take in the significance of what is actually going on. 

And then - suddenly - it's over.

Today is one of those days for me.

It's Holy Week - the week running up to Easter - so I'm trying to take time out just to rest and reflect on all that means in terms of my faith, and my life, and how that shapes who I am and my future.

But so much has happened in the past few weeks that has meant so much change, so quickly. I can't muster the energy right now to make any plans, and I'm trying not to get my head in a spin about what will come.  As a person of faith, I'm praying about the future, but at the moment not asking for anything, just trusting for guidance in the future.

The journey into the new adventure has not yet started. But it will. Once I am rested in my body and mind and spirit. It will.

Then I came across this quote which says it all for me today.

It's encouraged me to believe that once I'm ready to take the first step into the new adventure ... I will have the faith, and courage and the energy to place my foot on the first step of that new staircase in my life.

 

 

Faith staircase

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